Journey of love

"I never felt love. I have just experienced outrage of feelings and emotions, confusions, dilemmas, pain, hate and then, eventually apathy."

I want to write.

Write about you.

How I long for you.

How you show me indifference.

How I want you even more, even then!

Somehow I manage to convince myself this time,

that this time you're the right one to give my heart away;

each time!

Tomorrow, I know, you will be in my arms,

loving me till dawn. Then again, when the sun would be up

you'll show me indifference and make me long for your touch.

I'll somehow always cling to you till forever,

unless you throw yourself into some other arms;

find some other love.

I fail to understand the times, when you don't understand

that if I'm quiet, or get emotional and cry,

I'm falling apart inside, dying for you to hold me tight.

How can you not see, that every time I fight over a petty issue

I'm insecure, all I need is your love, your attention

which you're too proud to show.

Maybe I'm naive, or maybe I'm just too frail

for every time you're away from me

I gasp, I long for you like how I long for a breath.

I'm left with a body with the air sucked out,

I'm cold, I'm sore. I'm close to death

with burning blood passing the veins throughout.

Don't blame me for my awkwardness, baby

you made me feel this way.

When you take out time to see me once

and hold my hand while we take a walk along the lane

but you never tell me what I mean to you

you confuse me, make me feel so mundane!

Your hands on the rounds of my breasts,

fingers sliding on my back.

My chin on the deep of your cervical,

kissing your shoulders.

The warmth of my breath on your neck,

the grasp of my nails on your back…

Only if I could understand and let you be

not force my love upon you.

Alas! You've become my soothing touch

for you my love, my veil of shame I've shun

Forced it may sound but you've become my addiction. 

Don't you worry, my love

for one day I'll be used to it, the pain, that is

I'll cry till I sleep, wake up with swollen eyes

I'll hope that you'd care, and then dust it away in thin air

I'll fight to sleep, sleep to fight; every night

till the time, my love for you slowly dies.

To start with, I'll feel used and disgusted

for my lovelorn heart, I'll have sympathy

Then, there will be a day when I'll hate love again

I'll no longer be addicted to you or feel any pain

my love-turned-indifference will form severe apathy

making my heart forever-lost and busted!