Journey of love

"I never felt love. I have just experienced outrage of feelings and emotions, confusions, dilemmas, pain, hate and then, eventually apathy."

I want to write.
Write about you.
How I long for you.
How you show me indifference.
How I want you even more, even then!
Somehow I manage to convince myself this time,
that this time you're the right one to give my heart away;
each time!

Tomorrow, I know, you will be in my arms,
loving me till dawn. Then again, when the sun would be up
you'll show me indifference and make me long for your touch.
I'll somehow always cling to you till forever,
unless you throw yourself into some other arms;
find some other love.

I fail to understand the times, when you don't understand
that if I'm quiet, or get emotional and cry,
I'm falling apart inside, dying for you to hold me tight.
How can you not see, that every time I fight over a petty issue
I'm insecure, all I need is your love, your attention
which you're too proud to show.

Maybe I'm naive, or maybe I'm just too frail
for every time you're away from me
I gasp, I long for you like how I long for a breath.
I'm left with a body with the air sucked out,
I'm cold, I'm sore. I'm close to death
with burning blood passing the veins throughout.

Don't blame me for my awkwardness, baby
you made me feel this way.
When you take out time to see me once
and hold my hand while we take a walk along the lane
but you never tell me what I mean to you
you confuse me, make me feel so mundane!

Your hands on the rounds of my breasts,
fingers sliding on my back.
My chin on the deep of your cervical,
kissing your shoulders.
The warmth of my breath on your neck,
the grasp of my nails on your back…

Only if I could understand and let you be
not force my love upon you.
Alas! You've become my soothing touch
for you my love, my veil of shame I've shun
Forced it may sound but you've become my addiction. 

Don't you worry, my love
for one day I'll be used to it, the pain, that is
I'll cry till I sleep, wake up with swollen eyes
I'll hope that you'd care, and then dust it away in thin air
I'll fight to sleep, sleep to fight; every night
till the time, my love for you slowly dies.

To start with, I'll feel used and disgusted
for my lovelorn heart, I'll have sympathy
Then, there will be a day when I'll hate love again
I'll no longer be addicted to you or feel any pain
my love-turned-indifference will form severe apathy
making my heart forever-lost and busted!


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